


Alltid Staende

by Error404LifeNotFound



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bonding, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Lots of Tea, Mood Whiplash, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Parental Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Season 4 Spoilers, Tea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29680671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Error404LifeNotFound/pseuds/Error404LifeNotFound
Summary: After the events of the series, Mikasa tries to connect with Levi as family. They bond over tea and insults, and she soon comes to suspect that he's hiding something important.Rating is for language in later chapters only and may be overly cautious. Levi's in it, how could there NOT be swearing?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Finn Eg Deg Eg Finn Meg Sjalv

**Author's Note:**

> This makes some assumptions about who's going to survive the series and what body parts they'll still have intact. I went with assumptions that I liked best for the story I wanted to tell rather than assumptions that seemed least likely to be jossed later.
> 
> This is my first fic, please forgive me. T^T I'm trying. This idea just wouldn't leave me alone.

Mikasa didn’t realize that Levi had retired from the military until months after he had done it.

It made sense that he would, really. All of the Scouts, herself included, had been through several lifetimes’ worth of hell. When the dust had settled and treaties had been signed, the Nation of Eldia had no more need for a Scout Corps—at least, not in the incarnation that it had been thus far. With the world’s maps readily available, there was no more need to explore. With the threat of the titans gone, there was no more need for a Levi Squad. What the Scouts would become, no one had yet decided. For the time being, they had been rolled into the Garrison Corps, both under Hanji’s command, to assist with rebuilding and modernization efforts.

Some, like Armin and Hanji and even herself, had skills and interests that they could continue to direct with the military’s resources to create new purpose for themselves. Others could pursue different fields, confident in the safety they had won for Eldia. Levi was hardly the first one, or the only one, to take advantage of the country’s restructuring to make a few life changes. Connie had also retired and gone to work at the Queen’s Orphanage with Sasha’s parents. He still missed Sasha dearly, but he and the Brauses soothed each other’s grief, and Mikasa had seen joy returning to his eyes after he had started “kid-wrangling.” Jean, too, had retired to throw himself into a project—in his case, studying how the governments of the world’s other countries functioned. Eldia needed to rebuild its leadership as well as its cities. Jean had big plans to tackle that while Armin, now in charge of the Garrison’s Engineering Corps, tackled rebuilding the cities. Mikasa had thought that Levi would fall into the former group, the ones with goals to accomplish with the military’s resources, but several months went by and no one had seen him. Nobody knew where he was or what he was up to.

Well, that wasn’t quite right. Mikasa suspected that Hanji knew something, if only because they were his commanding officer and friend of many years, but they claimed that they had forgotten most of the details. His body couldn’t stand up to the kind of beatings that it used to, they said; he probably wanted to try something a little less taxing. That…could be the case. The injuries that Levi had suffered in the Jaegerist War had nearly killed him, and it would take even him quite some time to recover fully. Mikasa knew this. Everyone had gone to visit him in the hospital. He had expressed appreciation for their worry upon their first visit, but then shooed them all out when they came again. “You have better things to do,” he’d say. “I’m not gonna die. Get the hell out of here. Go bother someone else.” He was a private person. She knew this. But she thought she had earned entry past a few of his emotional walls—not just for her Ackerman blood, but for her time on Levi Squad as well.

Where he had gone after recovering from his many injuries, Mikasa didn’t know. Neither, she finally realized, did Armin, or Connie, or Jean—or anyone. Only when she’d finally cornered Hanji did she learn that Levi was not just out of the hospital, but out of the military. Hanji had dodged Mikasa’s questions, saying only that Levi hadn’t wanted the attention that a formal announcement of retirement would have brought. That sounded like Levi. He’d always tried to keep a low profile, even if his reputation had rendered that pointless. But even so, why wouldn’t he tell his own squad? Did he not trust their discretion? Did he even have a reason for retiring that required discretion?

Hanji did, at least, agree to deliver a letter for Mikasa. They made no promises about whether or not Levi would respond, or even the amount of time it would take them to get it to Levi. She didn’t mind. She had plenty of things to keep her busy. She had her own project to throw herself into—the training of a civilian police force. They didn’t need MPs to serve as the last line of defense against Titans anymore. The people on the new police force didn’t need to be capable of using ODM gear. So many things could change now that they didn’t have to worry about Titans anymore.

At last, several weeks later, Mikasa received a note back—short, blunt, accepting her invitation for tea. It reassured her. That was Levi in a nutshell—short, blunt, tea. He’d even given her a date, time, and café to meet him at. Mikasa still didn’t understand the difference between cafes and teahouses, but if Levi had picked it, the tea would be good.

The air had started to cool for autumn, and the temperature was pleasant. Mikasa even enjoyed the walk to the café. Autumn and winter no longer brought about fear of food shortages, and the faces she passed were smiling. Finally, they didn’t have to settle for surviving. They could thrive. When she arrived she was relieved to see Levi already waiting for her, slouched at an outdoor table at the cafe he had chosen in Trost. There was the familiar black suit, the familiar cravat, the familiar flat expression—aside from the missing fingers and the scars on his face, nothing about Levi had changed. When she approached, he used one foot to push her chair out toward her.

“Thank you for meeting me,” Mikasa told him, sitting. Levi responded by pouring her a cup of tea. “Thanks.” She picked it up in both hands, letting the cup warm her fingers and the rich-smelling steam drift across her face.

Levi regarded her silently over his own cup, an awkward minute that stretched to two, then three, and Mikasa started growing nervous. Had she angered him? Annoyed him? He did have moods, but she couldn’t get a read on his current one.

“Well?” he said finally.

“Well what?” she returned.

“You said you wanted to talk. So talk.”

Mikasa steeled her nerves. From Hanji’s behavior, she guessed that Levi’s retirement must be a sensitive subject. She didn’t know how he would react to what she had to say. Then again, surely he’d anticipated that it would come up when he’d agreed to meet her. He’d never avoided talking about something just because it made him—or anyone--uncomfortable.

“We miss you,” Mikasa said finally. “Why did you leave? You didn’t give us a chance to say goodbye, or say anything. I get that you don’t want to spend time with us socially, but we at least deserve that much.”

“What goodbye? I didn’t go anywhere.”

Was he being difficult on purpose? Mikasa couldn’t tell. Maybe he really didn’t understand how much he meant to his squad. “Does that mean that you’ll be coming back to the Scouts?” she asked hopefully.

“No.” Levi took a sip of tea. “I’m best at killing titans. No more titans to kill. Better to fade out the old regime with all the other fossils.”

The defeatist answer surprised Mikasa. “Is that why you retired? You think you’re not good at anything but killing titans?”

“Tch. No. I didn’t say that.”

“Then why?”

“My business. My reasons.”

Mikasa tightened her hands around her teacup. _Here we go._ “I’m afraid that’s not good enough. Not if you’re using those reasons to push us away.”

Levi’s eyebrows lifted ever so slightly. “Oh?”

“You’re family. I don’t want you out of my life yet. So you’re going to have to give me a better reason than that for disappearing on us. I think I’ve earned it. No—I know I’ve earned it.”

“That’s funny.” Levi poured out the last of the tea into his cup. “We’re family? Why, because of a few drops of blood? What did that make Eren, then? You kept saying that he was your family. Hell, you hardly shut up about it.”

“He was,” Mikasa insisted.

“Why?” Levi countered.

“Because of all the things we’d been through together. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you _can_ pick your family. Armin is my family too. And Connie, and Jean, and Hanji. And if you agree that they’re my family, then there’s just no way that you aren’t too.”

That earned her a small, slight smile. It vanished quickly, but it was there. “I like that reasoning,” he said. Relieved, Mikasa let out the breath she had been holding. “All right. I wasn’t lying, by the way. But I’ll give you another part of the decision.” Levi paused, his gaze growing unfocused. “I’ve been fighting for as long as I can remember. It was fighting to survive in the Underground, then fighting to survive against the titans, then fighting to keep the rest of the world from grinding Paradis into dust. At least for a little while, while I can…I wanted to see what it was like to live a quiet life.”

Mikasa remembered Hannes lamenting the loss of those quiet, ordinary days. She’d had very few of them. Levi had never had them to begin with. It was a valid reason, a good reason. She could accept it. But it still wasn’t the only reason. Not for someone like Levi, who couldn’t find contentment in sitting back and watching others get things done. “What do you mean, ‘while I can’?” she ventured. “Are you expecting something to happen? What’s the other part of the decision?”

“I’m getting old,” he told her simply, and reached for the menu.

Old? She didn’t believe that one for a moment. He was older than her, certainly, but not _old_ by any means. Whatever other reasons he had, it seemed he wasn’t going to share them.

Then again, perhaps there was a bit of truth to that statement. Levi frowned at the menu, then pulled a pair of glasses out of his jacket and put them on. After studying the paper for a few moments, he waved a waitress over. Well, he’d shut down that conversation, but maybe she would have a chance to open it up again.

“Two more black teas, he said. “The same for me. The one with citrus for my niece.”

“Right away, sir.”

Niece? Mikasa knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn’t think of anything to say with it. “I think you’ll like it,” he told her, tucking the glasses away in a pocket. “It’s a new one they’ve just gotten in from Marley.”

At last she found her voice. “No, I mean—well yes, it does sound good, but…um…”

“The Ackermans spread themselves thin for safety. If you go by blood, we’re not even second cousins at the closest. But you’re right. We have been through a lot together.” He paused. “I thought that uncle and niece seemed like the most appropriate description. I’m not good at family stuff. Never had one. But…I think I wouldn’t mind trying it out.”

Mikasa grinned, for the first time in what felt like years. He agreed with her. He thought of her as family too. He wanted her in his life too. “That makes me really happy, Uncle Levi.” He looked away from her and busied himself with moving the empty teapot out of the way. Did he actually look relieved? Or sheepish? “Tell me about the Ackermans. My father never talked about his family. Maybe he thought I’d be safer if I didn’t know anything.”

He told her the little he remembered of his mother. The tea came, and she told him about her father. He recounted a few memories of Kenny, things that, in retrospect, were probably related to their family. And he accepted her invitation to join her for tea again. As he walked away, throwing a parting wave over his shoulder, Mikasa caught the setting sun sparkling off a few grey strands in his hair.

Maybe he really was getting old.

Yeah, that must be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi is slumming it with the AoT equivalent of Keemun Mao Feng tea. He ordered Earl Grey for Mikasa.


	2. Båe Hald Blikket

The next week, Mikasa met Levi at another teahouse (not a café) of his selection. On the walk there, she found herself wishing that she could bring herself to wear Eren’s red scarf. She still had it, folded and stored in the bottom of a drawer, but the warmth it once brought her had gone. It wasn’t cold enough to need a scarf yet, but they’d be getting there soon. She knew she had been putting off replacing it out of denial, as if preserving it could somehow summon back the Eren from her childhood.

Levi was waiting for her outside, but this time they took a table indoors. The inside was cozy, the walls and furniture built of warm, honey-colored wood. And Mikasa had never seen so many varieties of tea before. They had enough to divide them up by _color._ And Levi had described this place’s selection as “decent, better than the last one.”

“I never knew there were this many kinds of tea. I thought there were only two.” Mikasa found herself flipping the menu over again and again, trying to take it all in.

“What, black and green?” Levi asked, looking at her over the rim of his glasses.

“Yeah.”

“Those are just categories. It all comes from the same plant. The difference is in how you grow and process it,” Levi explained. “We could have had more than two this whole fucking time. The bastards who sell it make enough off it as-is that they never thought beyond ‘just black’ and ‘just green.’” Mikasa couldn’t tell which point seemed to annoy him—the lack of creativity, or the fact that he’d been deprived of this variety until the Walls came down. Probably both.

“Is that why black tea is more expensive?”

“Yeah. Takes more work. Though it varies.” Levi pointed to one of the teas on the menu. “Like this one. It’s green, but a lot of work goes into it. They spread jasmine flowers over the leaves while they’re drying, then take them off again. The leaves keep the smell.”

“That sounds really nice.”

“And this one.” He pointed to one in the black tea section. “They dry the leaves out slowly over pinewood fires. Makes them pick up that smell too.”

“Is that one good?”

“Haven’t tried it yet.”

“Want to?”

Levi shrugged, but he set his menu aside and took his glasses off. Mikasa took that to mean that he’d made his decision. When the waiter came by, he ordered a pot of the tea for them to share.

And then they were out of small talk. Mikasa hadn’t gotten enough out of him yet to judge his mood and how receptive he would be to talking about himself today. Years after the persecution of the Ackermans had ended, he still found ways to deflect questions about himself, or to answer them superficially. He only gave his surname when asked for it directly and stiffened when he heard it mentioned, quickly scanning the faces around him for signs of recognition or, worse, action. His mother hadn’t had time to teach him much, but that had been her first: do whatever you can to avoid saying your name. It was why he was on a first-name—or, even better, nickname—basis with everyone he knew, whether they liked it or not, and why he had taken so long to tell Mikasa that they were family. Her father hadn’t instilled the same level of caution in her. She gave out her surname freely, and as far as he knew, she could have gotten both of them killed.

Levi surprised her by breaking the silence first. “How are you holding up? It’s been awhile since we took Eren down.”

“It was easier while he was still alive,” Mikasa admitted, twisting her hands together on the tabletop. “While he was just AWOL I could keep hoping that he had some kind of plan that would make sense in the end. That he was going to come back to us. That…”

“That he hadn’t become a genocidal maniac,” Levi finished.

“Yeah. I know that he hadn’t been the person I thought he was for years, but…I miss him.” Mikasa bowed her head. “Even though he did horrible things. Even as angry as I am at him, I still can’t stop myself from missing him.”

“You loved him.”

Again with that assumption. Mikasa reached up for the scarf she no longer wore, then let her hand drop. “It’s not like that. We were family.” Why could nobody ever seem to understand that?

“Just because it wasn’t romantic doesn’t mean it wasn’t important.” Levi lifted his hand, hesitated, then reached across the table to give her hand a squeeze that she returned. “When you need to make decisions, you bury your heart. You have to. But you can’t forget to dig it up again. Afterward, when everything is over…it’s okay to feel what you need to feel sometimes.”

“Like you do?” That came out snippy, and she didn’t mean it to. He was trying to help, but it was strange to be getting lectured about feelings by the walking compendium of shit jokes.

“I feel plenty,” he explained, seeming unbothered by her tone. “But I got used to keeping it in. First it was a survival technique. Then it was a leadership technique. Now it’s just a habit…one I’m trying to break. Trust me. If you don’t let yourself feel, it’s going to break you. And if you don’t let anyone in, it’s going to be a lot harder to put yourself back together again.”

“I do trust you. Thank you, Uncle.” That turned Levi’s face red. Had he forgotten about their last conversation? About his decision to name a familial relationship? But he also looked pleased. He started to pull his hand away, but when Mikasa held on, so did he.

Maybe Levi was just figuring out how to have a family too.

Mikasa took a few deep breaths. She hadn’t come here to mourn Eren today. She came to bond with her family. “So, what have you been up to since you retired?” she asked, hoping she sounded more cheerful.

“Lately, doing some work at the Queen’s Orphanage. I pushed for it. I figure I should help keep it running when I can.”

“What kind of work?” Mikasa had a hard time imagining Levi around children. But there were plenty of other things that needed to be done—tending to the horses, weeding the fields—in fact, she was going to pay the orphanage a visit soon, herself. Connie had mentioned that they could use some extra help with a late potato harvest, and she had readily volunteered.

“Cleaning.”

Mikasa covered her mouth with her free hand to hide her smile. “I should have guessed.”

“With that many brats, it’s a never-ending job. All babies even _do_ is turn food into shit. At least they can only get things dirty in one spot. Once they’re walking, everything they can reach is a mess.”

“I’m sure you’re teaching the older ones how to get things Levi-clean?” Mikasa joked. Levi smirked.

“A few. But they’re not up to my standards yet.”

“You’ll get them there. Do you ever run into Connie?”

“I’ve seen him. Haven’t talked to him.” Their tea arrived, and Levi let go of Mikasa’s hand.

“Why not?”

“Didn’t want to distract him. I swear, every time I see him he’s got a kid on his shoulders and more hanging onto his arms and legs. He’s not smart enough to hold onto them and walk at the same time. Just think of the scandal if he dropped them on their heads.” Mikasa laughed at the mental image. She could imagine it very easily—the holding, not the dropping. The children probably loved Connie’s playful personality. She had always imagined him becoming a father with Sasha someday, roughhousing on the floor with several rambunctious children who adored him.

“He seems happy there,” Levi continued, pouring the tea. “At least, as happy as he can be. And the same goes for the children. The older ones still remember their parents, and they have a harder time. The littler ones act like they’ve always lived on a farm with Mr. and Mrs. Braus and their big brother Connie.”

“And their Uncle Levi?”

“ _Mr._ Levi.” He pushed Mikasa’s teacup toward her. “It might have been Historia’s idea, but Sasha’s knack for bringing people together led a lot of good people to the Queen’s Orphanage.”

“Sasha’s love of food brought whole countries together,” Mikasa agreed. She lifted her teacup toward Levi. “To Potato Girl.”

“To Potato Girl.” He tapped his teacup against hers, and they both drank. Mikasa suppressed a grimace.

“What…what do you think of the tea?” she asked.

“It’s interesting. It’s good.” Seriously? “I’m thinking you disagree.”

“It tastes like a house fire.”

Levi snorted. “Well, that’s a description.”

“My clothes smelled like this for weeks after we retook Wall Maria.”

“What a brat. I treat you to nice tea and you shit all over it.” Mikasa’s mind scrambled to put an apology together, until she saw a small smile tugging at the corners of Levi’s mouth, the skin around his eyes crinkling with silent laughter. He was teasing her. “More for me, then. Hold on.” Levi pushed back his chair to stand, crossed the room to talk to a man in an apron, who nodded vigorously.

“What was that about?” she asked when he returned.

“Getting that bitch canned,” he answered casually, pouring the contents of Mikasa’s teacup into his own.

“What? Why?”

“She should have warned us that that tea wasn’t for everyone.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Of course I’m kidding. I got you a different one.”

“Which one?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Surprising like a house fire?”

“Surprising like a new house.”

Mikasa studied his face around his teacup, trying to determine how she was supposed to interpret that last remark, and gave up. “I think your analogy broke down there, Uncle.”

“Shut up and drink your tea. Oh, wait, you don’t have any because you’re too damn picky.”

Mikasa stuck her tongue out at him, then laughed. Levi rolled his eyes.

“Very dignified behavior from the new captain of the civilian police.”

“I’m not the captain. I’m just training them.”

“That’s not what Hanji said.”

Mikasa shrugged. “Okay, it’s half-true. I was offered the position. I haven’t given an answer yet. I don’t know if I want it.”

“Why not?”

“It would be a big change. I’ve been in the army for more than eight years now.”

Levi waved a hand in the air, indicating the city around them, and probably all of Eldia. “What _hasn’t_ already changed?”

“I guess that’s part of it. Everything else is different now. It’d be nice if a few things could stay the same.”

“How much of the military is the same as it was while you were slashing titans’ napes?”

“Pretty much nothing,” Mikasa admitted. “Are you saying you think I should take it?”

“I’m saying, make sure you’re seeing all of your factors the way they really are.”

That was sound advice, and Mikasa pondered it for a few minutes.

Everything was different. _Everything._ Every part of her life.

Including her own motivations?

She hadn’t just followed Eren into the Scout Corps out of blind devotion. Her own goals fit well alongside his, back then. They had both wanted freedom from captivity, freedom from fear…and now that she had it, what did she want now? What should she devote herself to now? Everything she had going on now felt like a means rather than an end.

“Hey. Your tea’s here. Don’t let it get cold.”

Mikasa blinked. Lost in thought, she hadn’t even noticed anyone bringing it over. She poured out the new tea and closed her eyes to smell it. It was sweet and flowery, a cheerful burst of freshness in the midst of the approaching winter. “Is this the green one with the jasmine flowers?” she asked.

“Nope. There isn’t anything added to that one.”

“Seriously?” She leaned down to inhale again, then looked up at Levi. “It smells like flowers. You’re not kidding again?”

“I am not kidding. It’s good tea. Really good tea.” Levi adopted a casual pose, throwing one arm over the back of his chair and crossing his legs. “Only the best for my niece, even if she is a brat.”

“Then why was I just drinking house fire tea?”

“It’s good tea too. You just don’t have any taste.”

They both enjoyed their next cup of tea in comfortable silence, one savoring the taste of winter, the other savoring the taste of spring.

For an astounding second time in one conversation, Levi broke the silence again. “Is it surprising like a new house?”

“I just really have no idea what you mean by that.”

“Shut up and drink your tea, brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They started with lapsang souchong tea, then Mikasa had da hong pao.


End file.
